A never-ending trial with Tweets and mean names.

Yeah okay, so, the Senate voted to let Trûmp keep on squatting in the White House. Which is hardly a surprise. I’m just annoyed they didn’t spend longer on the trial. So, for the case of the GOP Senators who almost without exception (Mitt Romney being the exception!) toed the Trûmp Party line, I have a new theory which is probably wrong but it’s no sillier than the shit that’s actually happening on this timeline, so hear me out: Trûmp is literally ordering hits on elected officials.

Sen. Sherrod Brown (D-Oh) writes in NYT that his colleagues turned the impeachment into a non-trial because they’re all skeered of getting in trouble:

Late in the evening on day four of the trial I saw it, just 10 feet across the aisle from my seat at Desk 88, when Mr. Schiff told the Senate: “CBS News reported last night that a Trump confidant said that Republican senators were warned, ‘Vote against the president and your head will be on a pike.’” The response from Republicans was immediate and furious. Several groaned and protested and muttered, “Not true.” But pike or no pike, Mr. Schiff had clearly struck a nerve. (In the words of Lizzo: truth hurts.)

Look, there’s a lot of hearsay in this. A lot of he said they said somebody else said someone’s threatening people. There are several degrees of separation between Sen. Brown and any statement that could be proven true or false. However? As he is in fact a Senator, there’s also a lot more proximity to the problem than most of us will ever have.

So, from his place at Desk 88 in the Senate chamber, the GOP peeps’ motivation looks especially pathetic. Sen. Brown continues:

They are afraid that Mr. Trump might give them a nickname like “Low Energy Jeb” and “Lyin’ Ted,” or that he might tweet about their disloyalty. Or — worst of all — that he might come to their state to campaign against them in the Republican primary. They worry:

“Will the hosts on Fox attack me?”

“Will the mouthpieces on talk radio go after me?”

“Will the Twitter trolls turn their followers against me?”

And again I ask: are there actual, identifiable Senators saying this shit? Are these clowns seriously afraid of the Dampnut’s Twitter account? Or is this just Sen. Brown’s speculation? Getting a little more specific:

In private, many of my colleagues agree that the president is reckless and unfit. They admit his lies. And they acknowledge what he did was wrong. They know this president has done things Richard Nixon never did. And they know that more damning evidence is likely to come out.

So watching the mental contortions they perform to justify their votes is painful to behold: They claim that calling witnesses would have meant a never-ending trial. They tell us they’ve made up their minds, so why would we need new evidence? They say to convict this president now would lead to the impeachment of every future president — as if every president will try to sell our national security to the highest bidder.


  1. Calling witnesses would mean a never-ending trial: well, yes, it would have taken at least a few weeks to hear out the people on the list. Are they afraid witnesses would have led to more witnesses, and then another tier of witnesses from them? Maybe. Yeah, and, as Senators, it’s their job to deal with that. I expect the real anxiety is how some of their constituents would’ve acted out during that never-ending trial with Trûmp calling them mean names on Twitter.
  2. They’ve made up their minds, so why would they need new evidence? So again, my question to them would be, why have you made up your minds already? Oh, right, we all know the Refuglican Party has collectively abandoned the pretense of actually giving a fuck about America, but then I’d like to know why they would say, in as many words, to a Democratic colleague, that they’ve made up their minds already. If this is what they’ll say out loud to someone on the other side, what are they covering up?
  3. To convict this “president” now would lead to the impeachment of every future president: now this is just sad. Those numb-nuts don’t even believe this shit. They may believe everyone else is just as corrupt and amoral as they are, but they do not actually think this trial would set a precedent that would set up every future POTUS for impeachment. They just say this because they’re covering up something much worse.

So, going back to the “he said/they said” from Rep. Schiff, my silly theory is that the “head on a pike” warning is a threat of actual death. Trûmp and his minions are making serious threats of lethal violence on elected officials who step out of line. They’ve done it often enough and credibly enough that the GOP Senators are seriously unwilling to challenge the Trûmp occupation and unwilling to explain why.

Either way, I know the GOP is the true Red Menace and the rightwing element in America has collectively lost its goddamn mind.

We progressives can’t make them see reason…but we can outvote them this November.

Moscow Mitch and…Moscow Mike?

Theory which will probably never be conclusively proven or disproven: the reason why nearly all the GOP Senators voted to block witnesses at the impeachment trial is they expect witnesses to provide incriminating information about Bitch McCandlehead and Mike Pence.

I’m just like, if they’re determined to acquit Lord Dampnut regardless of witness testimony, why not allow the witnesses to testify, and then vote to acquit?

A few of them are up for re-election in 2020, and if the rest of them don’t want to risk losing their Senate majority, then they could…vote to remove Lord Dampnut from office, perhaps? Do all those Senators really care about Cheeto Hitler that much? Nah, I don’t think they do. They want a Repub in the White House, sure, but what’s wrong with having President Mike Pence instead?

I mean, Bitch McCandlehead’s been acting like he couldn’t possibly lose re-election no matter what. And he may think so, but his openly announcing on network TV that he’ll totes give the defense everything they want…that kinda makes me wonder whom he’s trying to impress? If he only needed to impress Lord Dampnut, he could’ve said that shit behind closed doors. I suspect he said that shit out loud to prove his loyalty to the Kremlin. And if any witnesses at the impeachment trial spill hot tea about him, his Moscow overlords won’t be happy.

Right, okay, so then why are all the other Senators giving that turtle-face muthafucka what he wants? Do they really care about him so much? Seriously, I don’t think they do. He may be able to blackmail some of them, but that many? Nah, I think they’re afraid of something else. If they can’t allow witnesses because then the voters will demand they vote to remove the Dampnut, then why not remove Dampnut and let Mike Pence step up?

Do they think the Dampnut can win re-election but Pence can’t? I don’t think that’s it, either.

Are they afraid witnesses will get the turtle-face in trouble? Let’s be real, there are plenty more GOP Senators who’d be happy for a chance at Senate Majority Leader.

But here’s something that would really scare the shit out of the Senate GOP: Witnesses not only spill all the tea about Cheeto Hitler, and about the turtle-face muthafucka, BUT ALSO they know enough to know allowing witnesses would get Mike Pence in trouble. And they don’t want Pence in trouble because then they’d get Acting President Pelosi. Which is something that REALLY keeps those chucklefucks up at night.

That, or they seem to think a Pence presidency would be worse than the current situation with Cheeto Hitler. I don’t think it’s his domestic policy that would bother them. Either way, it suggests Pence has been involved in shit we don’t know about.