In which half-assed promo material saves my sanity.

I’ll tell you what, folks: my mental health has not been great this week. I’m wound tighter than a drum, maybe even angry at my surroundings, probably because I’m feeling even more sensitive than usual rather than because anything especially offensive is happening. (Except for my commute home last night. That was offensive.) This is probably a sign of a bout of depression coming on. So far, I’m still productive, which means I’m not really depressed, but it takes a lot of alone time in the evening to recover from being pissed off all day.

Don’t worry about me, though, because I will survive as long as HBO gives us Game of Thrones content, even when it’s as half-assed and information-free as this Wall of Faces crap we got today. We got the faces coming at us on Twitter, and we started talking about them, but while everyone else was annoyed that we weren’t getting anything that actually gives us some info on Season 6, I was counting up the faces for patterns, and then I started seeking out conspicuous absences.

Reader, I felt 100% better within an hour of those faces showing up in my Twitter feed. I owe so much of my mental health over the past year to my Game of Thrones obsession.

Yeah, and I’m especially happy that FanSided gives me space to show everyone what a compulsive nerd I am by writing about the conspicuous absences I picked up from the patterns. Seven Hells, they are the best enablers of my addictions.

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Unintended Consequences, Part 7: Cersei’s On Her Own

This is it, everyone. This is the final chapter of the essay. This part is mostly context, but I’m also including the conclusion here. Cersei thought she could ask Jaime to die for her rather than outlive her, and how did that work out?

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There is a wall, bifurcated vertically between light and dark. There is a jagged crack running horizontally across the photo. I have added text to the lower left quadrant: “Jaime would never abandon me for such a creature.”

If you haven’t read them already, see the Intro, Stage 1 (Escape from Riverrun), Stage 2 (Bloody Mummers), Stage 3 (House Lannister Falls Apart), Stage 4 (Oathkeeper), Stage 5 (“I love you too, sweet sister”) and Stage 6 (Harrenhal Revisited). If you would like to read this essay offline, get the iBooks or PDF version and you’ll never have to worry about me shutting down this blog.

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Unintended Consequences, Part 6: Harrenhal Revisited

You thought shit got real already? No. This pairing has only begun to get serious. This is the part where I start getting all pleased with myself. There are no nerds like me, fellow Throners!


The staircase is totally relevant, I assure you.

If you haven’t read them already, see the Intro, Stage 1 (Escape from Riverrun), Stage 2 (Bloody Mummers), Stage 3 (House Lannister Falls Apart), Stage 4 (Oathkeeper), and Stage 5 (“I love you too, sweet sister”). If you would like to read this essay offline, get the iBooks or PDF version and you’ll never have to worry about me shutting down this blog.

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Unintended Consequences, Stage 5: “I love you too, sweet sister.”

The last essay chapter I posted was all from Brienne’s POV. The first section of that stage (the one I called “Brienne’s Other Options”) was about context, rather than directly about the relationship itself. Jaime’s rescue of Tyrion, and many parts of his return to King’s Landing, were also about the context in which Jaime and Brienne are involved in a romantic storyline. This stage here, and it is not short, will be entirely about context.

In short: this is the part where the twincest relationship goes kablooey.

It’s as good a time as any to reuse this silly graphic I made in Retype:

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“I am not Cersei. I have a beard, and she has breasts. If you are still confused, Nuncle, count our hands. Cersei has two.”

If you haven’t read them already, see the Intro, Stage 1 (Escape from Riverrun), Stage 2 (Bloody Mummers), Stage 3 (House Lannister Falls Apart), and Stage 4 (Oathkeeper). If you would like to read this essay offline, get the iBooks or PDF version, and you won’t even need to wait a couple more days for me to post the remaining chapters.

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Unintended Consequences, Stage 4: Oathkeeper

*looks at country list in WordPress stats* Seven Hells: Greece and Colombia are blowing up my page views today. Sweden is also making an impressive showing. Up your game, America.

For the earlier parts of the essay, see the Intro, Stage 1, Stage 2 and Stage 3.

If you don’t already have a copy to read offline, it’s never too late to download the iBooks or PDF version.

Up to now, the essay has been nearly all from Jaime’s POV, and overwhelmingly focused on what Jaime wants. Now it’s Brienne’s turn. This stage of the relationship development is broken out in 3 sections, the first of which is called “Brienne’s Other Options.” You know you want to see that.

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Unintended Consequences, Stage 3: House Lannister Falls Apart

Oh my stars and garters, WordPress went and fucked with the Create Post interface again.

But that won’t stop me from sharing more of the Unintended Consequences fun. How do you feel about a title like “House Lannister Falls Apart”?

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“You want her? Go get her.” So he did.

 

If you’re coming to this essay for the first time, I’ve also posted the Introduction, Stage 1 and Stage 2.

If you don’t already have a copy to read offline, it’s never too late to download the iBooks or PDF version.
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Unintended Consequences, Stage 2: Bloody Mummers

To see why I’m calling this essay “Unintended Consequences,” see the Introduction. To see Stage 1, in which I start laying out the evidence for the relationship, read the latter portion of yesterday’s post.

As always, I aim to make sense to TV-only fans, but I’m using evidence from the books. For example, we didn’t get this line on the show:

Screenshot of Brienne sitting in the bath at Harrenhal, listening to Jaime tell his story. I have added text: "Why am I telling this absurd ugly child?"

Screenshot of Brienne sitting in the bath at Harrenhal, listening to Jaime tell his story. I have added text: “Why am I telling this absurd ugly child?”

To see where Jaime has this thought, read on.

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Game of Shipping: I Indulge in Wacky Theories

While I was reading up on goofy fan theories in ASOIAF today, I came across one idea that I actually like, and it is: Tyrion’s first wife, Tysha, is now in Braavos! Read on and I’ll talk about shipping for both of our Lannister brothers!

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The Joy of Unintended Consequences: It’s Happening.

Hi there, fellow Game of Thrones-loving nerds.

I may have mentioned a few times on this blog, working on an essay? And when that essay was finished, certain things would become clearer?

I’ve finished the essay.

I also mentioned, once, that I don’t really “ship” Jaime/Brienne, so much as look forward to the relationship happening? GRRMartin ships Jaime/Brienne. I simply enjoy the way he ships them.

Of course it might be a bit difficult to argue that I “don’t really ‘ship’ Jaime/Brienne” now that I’ve written this essay.

Click on image to download PDF essay.

Click on image to download PDF essay.

I’ve also made an iBooks copy, so those who have Apple devices can enjoy it in iBooks. It’ll look basically the same as the PDF version, except the internal links will actually work as links. Click here to download the iBooks version of the essay.

I will also post it here on this blog, one section at a time. I won’t post the entire essay in one entry because I’m not a complete sociopath and WordPress might have a meltdown if I tried.

Now some of you may be wondering: okay, what is the point of this essay, and why should I take the time to read it?

Well. If you like the idea of Jaime and Brienne being romantically involved, but you’re not quite sure it’ll happen, this essay is for you.

If you keep hearing from all us weirdos who seem to think these two will get together, and you don’t understand why we think so, you may find this essay helpful.

If you want them to be together, but you’re afraid they won’t live long enough to make it happen, you may appreciate this essay.

If you’ve enjoyed my “I Enjoy This Too Much” entries, you may appreciate this essay.

If you’re convinced that Jaime/Cersei is the True Love for the Ages, and that Jaime/Brienne could never possibly go beyond friendship, then this essay will probably not convince you, but if that’s how you feel, I assume you’re not reading my blog.

Time to let my Ego Flag fly: this is the Master Case for Jaime and Brienne getting together. I’m sure some other fans have written essays on a similar theme, but they are not this one. This is the only shipping essay for Jaime/Brienne that you will ever need to read. This is, put crudely, an analysis of how GRRMartin ships Jaime/Brienne. And I also put the relationship in context. Oh, yes, I do love context. Pull up a chair and I will answer all your questions.

To paraphrase a certain Lannister: There are no nerds like me. There’s only me.

With all that posturing out of the way, here is the introduction to the Master Case (there may be some weird punctuation in here, resulting from having pasted the text in from the PDF file):

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