A friendly bit of advice to the new dictatorship, I mean administration

First: do not do anything that will make the DC Metro system run any worse than it does already. If I cannot use the Metro, then I will have no choice but to find a new job closer to home, and if I no longer have to spend 2.5 hours per day in transit between work and home, I will have more time to get together with the other lefty pinkos around here and figure out how to fuck shit up. I live in Greenbelt; you can’t throw a rock around here without hitting a weirdo. Don’t give us more time to collude and collaborate. You have plenty of opponents already living in the District, and when we suburbanites want to get downtown for protests, we’ll find ways to get there. Might as well be on the Metro.

Second: do not fuck with our Internet access. You wanna censor the information we can access? Whatever, I’ll find it anyway, but if we cannot use high-speed wifi at home, then we cannot stream TV shows, and if we cannot watch the new season of Game of Thrones next summer, that’s ten weeks we’ll spend fucking shit up.

Third: do not fuck with my electricity. If I can’t use mass transit, that’s bad enough, but I can still entertain myself at home. If I can’t access the Internet, that’s even worse, but I’ll still find things to do. If I cannot charge my laptop, then I’ll have no choice but to go outside and fuck shit up. I live within spitting distance of USDA property, I’m good with animals, and you’d be surprised at how far I can walk. If I were y’all, I’d be legalizing weed and handing out free Netflix accounts like candy at a parade.