Fish in barrel, notice the long line of guns…

Pointing and laughing at Ross Douthat is sort of like shooting at a fish in a barrel with a hundred other guns already aimed directly into its transparent depths, but since the barrel is located in the New York Times opinions page, I won’t feel too bad about joining in the fun.

Dude is a lot more interesting when he points out that Catholic leaders really ought to behave themselves a lot better than they currently do. He is just so, so funny, when he acts all shocked—simply shocked, I tell you—that, when women and their partners are given the ability to control their fertility rather than let it control them, they not only have fewer children and less tolerance for dysfunctional marriage, but that they experience a lot of pleasure and very little guilt about choosing their choices.

The Church was right to prophecy that a contraceptive-friendly culture would become increasingly hostile to traditional Christian sexual ethics across the board

Seeing how “traditional Christian sexual ethics” means pretty much exactly the opposite of a a “contraceptive-friendly culture,” the above statement is basically a tautology. “Traditional Christian sexual ethics” is shorthand for “get married as soon as you’re ready for sex, make babies like there’s no tomorrow, and don’t learn anything that might make sex more enjoyable.”

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You mean this ISN’T meant in total irony?!

Since I am waiting to hear about a temp job starting next week, it seems I actually have a little time for blogging. With that in mind, Pandagon is my source of news today.

Because the Teabaggers didn’t get the memo about DC being the new San Francisco, we have this unbe-friggin’-lievable picture, which, coming from someone like me, would be an act of pure irony, but this is not coming from someone like me. I think these people are actually serious. Since white people who think this way, I am sad to admit, actually exist, then the question is: what is that black man doing there? What is he even doing at the rally, anyway? I’m hoping he just won a huge bet. First, he bet his friends he could enter the crowd at the Beck rally without becoming a danger to himself or others. Then, he bet even more money that he could allow those cracka-ass-muthafuckin’-crackas to touch him, and even allow himself to be photographed with them. He bet his friends that he could be that “some of my best friends are black!” victim and come out of it with his dignity intact.

If he needed some incredibly hard drugs to get through the ordeal, I wouldn’t blame him.

All that said, though, I really don’t know how he feels about being in that picture. Maybe he thinks it’s really fucking funny.

I can feel my brain turning to cottage cheese already.

I really ought to know better than to click on any link with this ridiculous piece of work’s name on it, but Camille Paglia (I know, I know) says:

A class issue in sexual energy may be suggested by the apparent striking popularity of Victoria’s Secret and its racy lingerie among multiracial lower-middle-class and working-class patrons, even in suburban shopping malls, which otherwise trend toward the white middle class.

Kill it with fire! Make the stupid bigot go away!

I need a shower now.

Arizona continues to shine…

I’m sure y’all have heard about the controversy over the elementary school mural in Prescott, AZ.

I still need to shoot my mouth off.

R.E. Wall, director of Prescott’s Downtown Mural Project, said he and other artists were subjected to slurs from motorists as they worked on the painting at one of the town’s most prominent intersections.

“We consistently, for two months, had people shouting racial slander from their cars,” Wall said. “We had children painting with us, and here come these yells of (epithet for Blacks) and (epithet for Hispanics).”

Oh, yes, by all, means, shout N—– and S— at artists painting a mural with children who actually attend that school. Stay classy, white Arizonans!

Then there’s this charming character:

In a broadcast last month, according to the Daily Courier in Prescott, Blair mistakenly complained that the most prominent child in the painting is African-American, saying: “To depict the biggest picture on the building as a Black person, I would have to ask the question: Why?”

I thought Meghan McCain’s comments about the immigration law were a dazzling display of white privilege, but this here is impressive.

My answer to Councilman Blair’s question is:

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How NOT to solve a sperm shortage:

Australia is running low on donor sperm, partly because of laws requiring that donors be identifiable to their offspring. Before I shoot my mouth off on the donation laws, I would like to know more about what issues they’re designed to address. Right off the bat I think it’s misguided to require sperm donors to be identifiable, but I don’t know the history behind the law so I’ll reserve judgment until I learn more.

However.

The article also quotes this entirely…charming (and by charming I mean appalling) comment on how Australian families should cope with the problem:

don’t they have alchol in australia? if you are willing to invest 18 years in raising a kid you should be willing to get some college kid drunk, have sex with him and never see him again, even if you are married. Reallly, the sperm is going in, does it matter if some anonymous hot stud has sex with your partner once? get over yourselves. problem solved. I have yet to see a woman who wants to have sex turned down.

Oh, yes, by all means: get around a sperm donor shortage in your country by raping a drunk young man for insemination purposes.

As a matter of fact, women often do get turned down for sex, and you know why? Because men do not give universal consent. The idea that men are always looking to get laid is toxic enough, and then to compound it with the idea that any guy will be happy to fuck anything with a vagina and breasts is outright dangerous. What happens if the woman doesn’t get pregnant on the first try, then? How many hapless college kids should she rape before the problem is solved?

Right. Just “get over yourselves” and become sex offenders.

It’s not supposed to smell like rose petals!

Pharyngula points me to Feministing, which points me to The Luxury Spot’s reporting of the newest hot trend in feminine adornment: Vajazzling!

For fuck’s sake, it doesn’t even look that pretty.

I can’t say I disapprove of the trend so much as I’m not sure what purpose it’s supposed to serve. If you’re a stripper, I’m sure it could be useful! If you’re just doing it for yourself, as in, you just want to be able to pull down your pants, look in the mirror, and say, “Ooh, sparkly!” then this will get the job done, and if that’s all you’re hoping to get out of it, then go for it, I say.

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Sen. Cornyn, the word here is “PWN’d.”

Dahlia Lithwick smacks down the Senators who voted against the Franken Amendment:

Then John Cornyn of Texas whined about how the evil Franken was “trying to tap into the natural sympathy that we have for this victim of this rape—and use that as a justification to frankly misrepresent and embarrass his colleagues.” It takes a special kind of narcissist to say a victim of gang rape isn’t suffering as much as the embarrassed senators who voted against her.

Perhaps Sen. Cornyn would like some aloe for that BURN.

Where is this “we,” Senator? I don’t see you showing any sympathy for Jamie Leigh Jones.

The day the laughter died

You know comedy is dead when satire is impossible.

First I will show you this article from today:

AS international aid agencies rush food, water and medicine to Haiti’s earthquake victims, a US faith-based group is sending Bibles to Haitians in their hour of need.

Now I will show you this article from several years ago:

MARADI, NIGER—More than 60,000 urgently needed Bibles arrived to allay suffering throughout the famine-stricken nation of Niger Friday, in one of the largest humanitarian-relief operations ever attempted by a Christian ministry.

Now: guess which one of these is from The Onion, and which one is a non-fictional story from a genuine news source.

Anyone?

Attention, Faith Comes From Hearing: save your solar panels for flashlights and save your manufacturing and shipping money for donations to International Red Cross. Haitians need shelter, food, clean water and medical attention. They need the good news that real people care enough to come to their country with real skills and needed supplies. The love of Jesus can wait until they dig their loved ones out from under the rubble.

(In case you’re wondering: yes, I have donated money to a secular charity. If you haven’t done so already, here is a good place to start.)

Poverty-Stricken Africans Receive Desperately Needed Bibles

Earthquake Survivors Get Solar-Powered Bibles