The Dumpster of Dragonfire

Seems the last thing I posted on this blog was sharing my feelings on the penultimate episode of Game of Thrones.

My feelings have not changed since the finale.

I’d really like to get all my thoughts on the matter in one place. I want to make the Master Case for how the final season of GOT completely gave up on making sense.

I mean…the finale was not worse than Ep5. The finale was much better than Ep5. This is not a high bar. The finale…still did not explain all the ways in which the story went tits-up.

Today is not the day for a Master Case. I’m trying to find a new job right now—oh, boy, there is a can of worms—and that is a higher priority than anything I have to say about GOT. I have an interview for a viable position today, so knock on wood, I’ll be able to get back to media criticism very soon. For now, let’s just assume I’ll write little bits here and there until I have enough content to warrant some structure.

And it’s not like I haven’t been writing about this ish already. Just that I’ve been doing most of my writing on Tumblr. WordPress feels more like the place where I need to have my act together, whereas Tumblr is the place where I just puke up a few profanities and call it a post.

As for my case against the GOT final season, the hard part is knowing where to begin.

So I’ll make this complaint my opening statement:

If Bran Stark knew all along that he was supposed to be Lord of the Six Kingdoms, he has a LOT of explaining to do.

 

You can’t spoil something that’s already spoiled itself.

To my readers who noped out of Game of Thrones back in Season 3, or, any time, really, shy of this year: you did the right thing. Remember Ramsay torturing Theon and giving us this line: “But you forgot the most important question. You forgot to ask if I’m a LIAR! Everything I’ve just told you is a lie!”

Benioff & Weiss are the real-life version of Ramsay Bolton. Everything they told us for the past 7 seasons is a lie!

And the shit show that happened last night wasn’t even the finale! We’ve still got one episode left, and I tell you there is nothing that last episode could do to explain the non-sequitur that was Episode 5. I’m not even thinking about justification. Just explanation. There is no explaining what they’ve done. Of course I’m going to watch the finale. Not that I expect anything to make sense or anything good to happen. Just that there were a bunch of characters who weren’t in Episode 5 and who presumably will be in the finale, and I want to see how many other fans’ faves get completely screwed over by the showrunners’ nihilistic power trip. I’m spiteful like that.

Good thing I have other hobbies.

6 Unanswered Questions for 1 Big Prediction

Remember how, in the run-up to Game of Thrones Season 6, I accurately predicted what Brienne would be doing by lining up a bunch of questions and putting one answer at their center?

Based on the first two episodes of Season 7, it’s time to do that again.

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The Pack Survives: Starks, Lannisters, connections

Ever since the first season of Game of Thrones, the Starks and Lannisters have been enemies. With the new Queen Cersei preoccupied with enemies in all directions, the situation is not expected to improve any time soon.

As if the great Houses’ mutual antagonism weren’t a serious enough problem, the surviving members of each family are turning on each other.

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Shall we give this one 4-to-1 odds?

Had this interaction on Twitter today:

Nah, I disagree. I think they’ll both be fine, and I can support that position, though not in a few words.

Seriously, though, I don’t buy this assumption that GRRM is determined to make sure everyone is either dead or lonely at the end. Insisting Jaime and/or Brienne MUST die is assuming facts not in evidence.

I could absolutely bet on them both surviving the series, but for the sake of argument I’m content to bet on just the events of TWoW. I’m not sure I can trust anyone to keep in touch with me from now to the publication of ADoS, much less to remember our bet and keep to its terms for that long. Just waiting for TWoW is risky enough.

Of course we could also just bet on the events of Game of Thrones. No matter what happens with GRRM’s writing, the show will give us a new season this year and next. Would anyone care to run a bet with me until the finale of Season 8?

In terms of numbers, I’m at a disadvantage. This is not just a 1-on-1 bet, this is 3-to-1. If Brienne dies, you win. If Jaime dies, you win. If they both die, you win. If they both live, I win. Most of the fandom seems pretty well convinced one or both MUST die before the end. Surely I should have some takers? The default betting terms are mainly just bragging rights and digital shit like Twitter handles and profile pics, but would anyone be more open to this bet if we put actual real-space assets on the line? How about a framed print from my Society 6 store? I expect to upload a lot more images between now and the Season 8 finale, so you’ll have plenty of prizes to choose from.

 

She’ll be fine. I’ll put a wager on it.

I’m confident Brienne of Tarth will make it through The Winds of Winter alive and healthy. Who wants to take me on?

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This is a gentle reminder that Brienne HAS established a protector relationship with Sansa on the show, whereas she hasn’t even met Sansa in the books. This suggests there’s more left for Brienne to do before her story is finished.

BFish’s list of POV characters to die in TWOW:

Theory for Brienne’s death:

I’m not posting this to pick on BFish; there are lots of fans who think Brienne will be among the body count in Book 6, and they lean towards her dying in the Lady Stoneheart encounter via deliberately losing a fight to save Jaime. I’m here to challenge that theory.
So I’m all like, “COME AT ME, FISH!”:

(I’m also fairly sure Theon will be okay, but I’m more invested in Brienne, so it’s more fun to be right about her.)

But he wasn’t having that:

Context: I’ve taken one bet against BFish. We bet on whether Lady Stoneheart would show up in Season 6. I won. I’m confident enough to bet in favor of Brienne’s survival.

So now we know, BFish is confident enough about Brienne dying to put it on Twitter, but not quite confident enough to bet against your blogger. Honestly, that’s a legit position to take.

I still want to bet against someone, though.

The terms are:
1. If Brienne survives TWOW, I win.
2. If Brienne dies in TWOW, you win.
3. If Brienne and Jaime are kept out of TWOW altogether, it’s a draw. This is unlikely, but I’m willing to hold space for the possibility. If Brienne’s status is ambiguous at the end of TWOW, it’s a draw.
4. If I win, I choose your Twitter profile pic and you have to use it for 3 months. If you win, you choose my Twitter profile pic and I have to use it for 3 months.
5. Also, the loser has to write an explanation (250 words minimum) on how they got this matter wrong, and it must be posted online.
6. If you’d like to take this bet and you don’t have a blog, I recommend using IO.
7. I will allow ONE chance to call off the bet. If more evidence appears before we get TWOW (like, say, Season 7), and you decide Brienne is more likely to survive, it is okay to back out. I will make sure there is a public record of your surrender, but surrender will be accepted. However? There’s no going back and forth on this. I will not agree to revive the wager after you’ve backed out.

So…who’s up for a friendly wager between fans?