Can’t Trust Anyone: Aziz Ansari Edition

I read the account of “Grace’s” bad date with Aziz Ansari in Babe. I read the entire thing in all its disgusting detail. I read it more than once. Having read the story, there are some things I won’t do.

I won’t call Aziz Ansari a rapist.

I won’t say what he did to Grace was “assault.”

I won’t call for him to lose his job or face any legal repercussions.

I also will not swallow his narrative of having “misunderstood” Grace’s discomfort or “misread” her behavior while ignoring his actual pattern of behavior in the story. I will not settle for this image of some poor clueless cad who just didn’t know any better. I will not write an alternate-universe story of All the Ways Grace Should’ve Fought Back Harder while ignoring all the ways Aziz made it inordinately difficult for her to withdraw.

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What about all the women we never heard of?

For all the dudes who are concerned about the backlash against sexual harassment, I have some questions I’d like you to ask yourselves:

If a man getting fired is comparable to murder, what about when someone is so miserable at work, they resign without another offer lined up? Is that suicide?

If a woman ends up leaving a job and ultimately gives up her career because the never-ending parade of abuse is fucking up her mental health, would you say she’s been driven to suicide?

Would you be interested in at least a partial accounting (a full accounting may be impossible) of all the people in the entertainment industry whose stories you never heard because they were still obscure and powerless when they were driven to career suicide? If the termination of someone like Harvey Weinstein or Louis CK is a tragedy of lost productivity, then are you willing to estimate the lost productivity of all the people who never got a chance to build the career they wanted because they couldn’t make it past the hurdle of sexual abuse?

For every Ashley Judd or Mira Sorvino, who knows how many promising talents never made it that far before some powerful predator killed their careers? Does their wasted potential count for anything in this discussion of the “brain drain” following sexual harassment accusations?

Or does the equation of job loss with death only count for powerful men?

 

I remember what it felt like to trust someone.

Damon Young has this to say about the confirmation of Louis CK being a serial sexual abuser, and I encourage you to read it all, but I want to highlight this part:

It’s not even how his work—which has frequently, delicately, painfully and hilariously delved into the politics of sex, sexual acts and sexual deviance, and his own sexual anxieties, proclivities and angsts—has to be seen as either him attempting to grapple with his own real-life demons or a performatively progressive cover allowing him a space to conceal his real-life misdeeds (or some combination of both).

See, this is what the truth about Louis CK means to me: it means I can’t enjoy his comedy anymore. It means I have to question what it meant to enjoy his comedy in the past. It means I can’t enjoy another apparently-progressive male comic doing similar material.

It’s not just that I can’t tell who the bad ones are. The situation now is more that I can’t tell who the good ones are. I can’t trust anyone.

It won’t happen, but IF it does…

I would like Steve King to understand that even if the US Gov manages to force me to have babies (which is bloody unlikely), they will probably be mixed-race babies. Not saying that to spite anyone, not saying the existence of biracial people negates racism. Just saying, I live in a very diverse area and it’s too late to stuff that genie back in the bottle.

You guys really want more of me running around?

To all the conservative dudes always harping on about how we crazed feminazis want you to pay for our birth control…

…well, actually, unless you’re paying our insurance premiums for us, you ain’t payin’ for shit around here, but even if we wanted you to shell out for our contraceptives, here’s the thing:

I know the overall goal is for more unplanned babies in general, but think about this: if more of us are giving birth, the overwhelming majority of us are keeping the babies. And do you really want us raising the next generation? Do you really look at my foul-mouthed, wine-chugging, queer, casual-sex-having, atheist, tattooed, fat ass and say, “I want to see more people like that in the world”? I guarantee you the moment we get medical marijuana in Maryland, I’m gettin’ me a prescription. I’d do shrooms if I had a reliable source. I use profanity around toddlers. Do you really want me to be someone’s mommy? 

Face it, birth control without co-pay is good for all of us.

Tired of this basic-ass shit

Just spotted this putz on Twitter:

mattgarzadeleteyouraccount

Yeah, first of all, if you’re going to tag your Tweet as “just saying,” try spelling “just” correctly. Not the sort of thing that requires an advanced degree.

I am so far past DONE debating reproductive rights at this level. Abstinence is not a contraceptive strategy, it is a condition defined by absence. Being in a situation in which you don’t need contraception, is in itself NOT a contraceptive method. You’re not having sex? That’s fine! It’s not a position from which to determine health coverage policy.

Most of all, I am not the least bit interested in playing this game where some lying fuckhead says “well if you don’t want a baby then don’t have sex” and I respond as if this person actually expects us to stop having sex. I no longer accept that premise. They don’t realistically expect us to swear off sexual activity, and they would not be happy if we did so.

The difference between the alleged sexual profligacy of “this generation” and the supposed restraint of previous generations is that we no longer see a virtue in systemically punishing fertile young women for doing what everyone does when they get the chance. We are not interested in going back to the era of pregnant women hiding out in homes for unwed mothers, and their offspring growing up in orphanages. We don’t want to produce even more hungry mouths to grow up to become cheap labor and cannon fodder, and we don’t think that makes us less virtuous than our ancestors who had no better options.

In which I am indistinguishable from one of those crunchy health-purist types

Well, you guise, it seems this is the month when I spend a lot of time at medical appointments. I will count the dentist as a medical professional. I had what was the first of at least 3 medical-professional visits today.

Barring any ominous phone calls 7-10 days from now, I’ve got a good explanation for this weird GYN crap that’s been bothering me since the last visit from Aunt Flow, two prescriptions to clear it up, and that should be sufficient for the time being.

And this is the part where you’ll be glad I put this under a cut.
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The terrorists can fuck themselves.

In case you’re wondering whether we can call the Orlando shooting a terrorist attack: yes, it most assuredly was a terrorist attack. It was terrorism in the same way the attempt on LA Pride would have been terrorism: they were doing terrorism on us queer and gender-non-conforming folks. They want us to be ashamed of our existence. Too bad, sorry-ass fuckers: we still exist. Dudes will kiss dudes and girls will keep on licking pussy as long as humanity stands. Get on board or get off the planet.

Don’t like that we exist? Frozen pineapples. They also still exist. Find a frozen pineapple and fuck yourself sideways with it. I’ll be over here, licking pussy along with other bossy fat bitches.

I still exist.

What you all need to understand is that we had family biz this weekend, what with my brother getting married. We could not have asked for a better addition than my new sister-in-law Sarah, and we had a most marvelous celebration of their union on Saturday.

The practical upshot is that I was occupied this weekend along with my fam in New Jersey, which is a mild shlep from our home in Maryland, so I was not in position to blog about events revealed in the past 24 hours.

I saw the news of the Orlando shooting early morning on Sunday, and after so many years of living with Americans shooting each other, my reaction was, “Ah, geez, again?” That says something. Cynicism aside, this is the biggest mass murder in American history since before the beginning of the 20th century, and that’s nothing to sneeze at. Pulse was a gay club, and the shooter (I know his name and am uninterested in spreading it around) did not like that queer people exist and live their lives, and he had weapons and made sure to use them. He’s on the wrong side of history. I’m a queer woman and I still exist. I encourage straight allies to amplify the voices of their LGBT (emphasis on the T, in particular) peeps and ignore the hatemongering from vicious bigots who don’t care about LGBT folk nearly as much as they hate people with foreign names. I repeat: I exist as a queer woman. That bothers some people. Find our voices and spread them around.