Moscow Mitch and…Moscow Mike?

Theory which will probably never be conclusively proven or disproven: the reason why nearly all the GOP Senators voted to block witnesses at the impeachment trial is they expect witnesses to provide incriminating information about Bitch McCandlehead and Mike Pence.

I’m just like, if they’re determined to acquit Lord Dampnut regardless of witness testimony, why not allow the witnesses to testify, and then vote to acquit?

A few of them are up for re-election in 2020, and if the rest of them don’t want to risk losing their Senate majority, then they could…vote to remove Lord Dampnut from office, perhaps? Do all those Senators really care about Cheeto Hitler that much? Nah, I don’t think they do. They want a Repub in the White House, sure, but what’s wrong with having President Mike Pence instead?

I mean, Bitch McCandlehead’s been acting like he couldn’t possibly lose re-election no matter what. And he may think so, but his openly announcing on network TV that he’ll totes give the defense everything they want…that kinda makes me wonder whom he’s trying to impress? If he only needed to impress Lord Dampnut, he could’ve said that shit behind closed doors. I suspect he said that shit out loud to prove his loyalty to the Kremlin. And if any witnesses at the impeachment trial spill hot tea about him, his Moscow overlords won’t be happy.

Right, okay, so then why are all the other Senators giving that turtle-face muthafucka what he wants? Do they really care about him so much? Seriously, I don’t think they do. He may be able to blackmail some of them, but that many? Nah, I think they’re afraid of something else. If they can’t allow witnesses because then the voters will demand they vote to remove the Dampnut, then why not remove Dampnut and let Mike Pence step up?

Do they think the Dampnut can win re-election but Pence can’t? I don’t think that’s it, either.

Are they afraid witnesses will get the turtle-face in trouble? Let’s be real, there are plenty more GOP Senators who’d be happy for a chance at Senate Majority Leader.

But here’s something that would really scare the shit out of the Senate GOP: Witnesses not only spill all the tea about Cheeto Hitler, and about the turtle-face muthafucka, BUT ALSO they know enough to know allowing witnesses would get Mike Pence in trouble. And they don’t want Pence in trouble because then they’d get Acting President Pelosi. Which is something that REALLY keeps those chucklefucks up at night.

That, or they seem to think a Pence presidency would be worse than the current situation with Cheeto Hitler. I don’t think it’s his domestic policy that would bother them. Either way, it suggests Pence has been involved in shit we don’t know about.