I will not make that mistake again.

Don’t worry, this isn’t about politics. It’s not about Game of Thrones, either.

It’s about my cat. I did something stupid, he got away from me, and now he’s stuck out in the cold.

Purrion is an indoor kitty, and I made the mistake of taking him out to my backyard. I won’t try to justify this dim-witted idea of super-fun leash-training in my backyard, only that I did not anticipate his response. Short story shorter, he freaked the fuck out like I was trying to kill him, he escaped his harness, and he ran up my maple tree.

I guess his carrier is the better option after all. Lesson learned! Now where the fuck is my cat and how do I get him back into my warm house in one piece?

Well, I started calling numbers right away to see who would get him out of the tree. Animal control said to call the police department, they said to call the fire department, and they said, basically: *fart noise*

Huh. Turns out most fire departments don’t actually rescue cats from trees.

I found a number for a cat-from-tree rescue service, I called them up, and the guy said, literally: “Half an hour? That’s nothing.” He told me to relax and get on with my day and the cat would come down eventually. He said I could buy a whole lot of cans of tuna for the amount they would charge to retrieve my cat. Not helpful.

Yeah, okay, he came down eventually. I left the household ladder (much too short to reach him) propped against the tree and left a dish of wet food at the top of the ladder. At some point between maybe 6:30 and 8:00, he managed to get to the ground. After he repeatedly cried for me to come get him while he couldn’t figure out how to climb down to the nearest bough to the ground. After I tried climbing up my household ladder to coax him down, fell off the ladder, and sprained my ankle. After I spent all day with my back door open in cold, windy weather. After it was too dark to see anything in my backyard, he came down. I saw a cat perched on the fence at around 10:30, but he was still too stressed out to let me near him, and he seems to have hidden under my back stoop. I think that was Purrion, but as I said, it was dark. There was no longer a cat in my maple tree at that point.

I had a really stressful Sunday, is what I’m trying to tell you. Monday isn’t going much better. The cat is still outside. Did I mention it’s cold around here? If he’s still under the back stoop, then he’s out of the wind, but it can’t be warm in there.

I slept last night in the living room in case he could be heard meowing or scratching at the screen door in the night. I didn’t hear anything. He has a bell on his collar so I can hear him coming. This morning, I still didn’t see or hear anything, which is consistent with him hiding under the back stoop and keeping still to avoid larger animals, but I still don’t know for sure that Purrion was even the cat I saw last night. Something came along and ate most of the yogurt I left on the stoop. I hope it was my cat.

Anyway, I’m still trying to take care of him. I left him a plate of wet food next to his favorite pillow, which has my scent all over it, and his favorite toy near the back stoop. I don’t trust my neighborhood enough to leave the back door ajar while I am out of the house or sleeping, so the cat will have to wait until dark again before I come back to the house. I have called my local animal control and told them about Purrion, in case someone brings him to the shelter. He probably won’t wander far enough for someone else to pick him up, though. Most of the bring-cat-inside advice says indoor cats generally don’t go more than a few houses away. He’s probably just hiding under my stoop or behind the shed until his hunger overpowers his fear, which means I’m on my own in getting him back inside.

On the off chance that someone does pick him up and take him to the local shelter, though, he’s also wearing his license tag on his collar. Thank goodness I had the presence of mind to get his pet license and put the tag on his collar before I was stupid enough to bring him outside.

After Googling for advice on the matter, I have some more ideas about how to try again tonight. The websites are a great deal more helpful than Bill at AAA Emergency Tree Service. I’m kinda peeved at that guy right now. In exchange for this stress, I would have gladly paid someone several hundred dollars to get my cat out of the tree and back in my house. My cat’s life and my peace of mind are worth at least that much. Now I’m limping around on a mildly sprained ankle, waiting for animal control to call me back, my cat is terrified and cold, and every email I get from PetSmart feels like mockery.

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About alysonmiers

Alyson the Incorrigible of House Miers; High Priestess of Sparkly Fractal Flames; Summoner of Creative Insults; Wrangler of Adverbs, Semicolons and Conditional Clauses; Bane of Euphemisms; Mixer of Genres; and Mother of Witches.