#745: Are plans really important?

Oh, my dear. No. No no no no, the problem here is not with the LW. Dude is treating her carelessly, and she’s acting like she’s the one who needs to adjust. This is not responsible, adult behavior she’s describing on the part of her dude. This is incredibly inconsiderate, selfish behavior, and it should not be reinforced. “He’s like this in general”? So basically, he’s a selfish piece of shit with EVERYONE in his life, and so far no one has effectively told him to knock it off. “No point in treating plans as solid because the future is a changeable thing”? No. This is not an attitude that someone should bring to a grown-up relationship. If he says “see you Saturday,” then he should FUCKING SHOW UP ON SATURDAY. If he makes a habit of doing otherwise, then he’s telling you that you’re not important to him. No matter how many times he insists otherwise, this behavior is communication.

Captain Awkward

Dear Captain Awkward,

So… Not sure if this fits under relationship advice or under the “how to be a regular human being and not a lizard person” category. I’ve been seeing this guy for the last 10 months. He is great, but I’m the first person he’s actually gone out with since ending a long, traumatic and when we met he said he wasn’t looking for commitment. I was fine with it, but then we kept seeing each other and I started falling hard and wanting more – to actually be able to look forward to things and not just treat every encounter as “oh, this could or could not have happened, what random happenstance”.

The thing is, although he’s said he’s in love with me and wants to try being with me, he’s still unable to make plans. If he says “see you saturday”, that doesn’t mean we will…

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Alyson the Incorrigible of House Miers; High Priestess of Sparkly Fractal Flames; Summoner of Creative Insults; Wrangler of Adverbs, Semicolons and Conditional Clauses; Bane of Euphemisms; Mixer of Genres; and Mother of Witches.