You hope my down to earth what?

If the post title looks like word salad, never fear: I’m engaging in a bit of grammar pedantry. Give me a moment and it’ll make sense.

This showed up in my inbox at OKC:

Someone with a 38% match percentage says to me:

Someone with a 38% match percentage says to me: I hope you don’t mind me writing you though I don’t know if you just date white boys, lol, I can’t believe it’s raining! Are you going to cook out and see the fireworks? I hope your [sic] down to earth and do write me back to see if we click since I like what I read in your page.

Maybe it’s unfair of me to harp on his confusing your/you’re, as this message shows better language skills than most of what I get.

Do YOU see the places where this user is trying to manipulate his recipients into responding to him?

When he says, “I don’t know if you just date white boys, lol” he’s not really worried that I’ll be annoyed about getting a message from him. It’s a dating site. We expect to get messages from people we’ve never met. The system wouldn’t function otherwise. The meaning here is really that I am expected to write back to him, to prove that I don’t only date white guys.

The sad thing about this is that I’m sure it works. There probably are plenty of white ladies on OKC who will spend valuable time on a conversation with a guy who does not interest them, just to demonstrate that they’re not racist. (And that is not the sort of mindset that leads to healthy relationships.)

Can you see how this is uncool?

Nobody owes you a conversation. It’s fine if you send a message, but no one is obligated to respond. Not even if she’s more privileged than you. She still doesn’t owe you her time.

Same thing with “I hope your [sic] down to earth and do write me back.” It’s a challenge for the recipient to give you her time, lest she be seen as a snob.

(I am the kind of person who uses “lest” in a sentence. This probably means I’m not down-to-Earth, so, bullet dodged!)

Also, this is yet another message in which the writer gives no sign of having actually read my profile. He may have copy-pasted the same message to dozens of white ladies with US locations all at the same time. That’s not the sort of thing that makes me want to write back.

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