Up is down! Black is white! Dogs and cats, living together!

Everyone knows that when same-sex couples have the same access to the rights of marriage as heterosexuals, everything good and wholesome falls apart like toilet paper in a hurricane. Of course, we’ve had marriage equality for years now in several states, including mine, and the Great Divorce Apocalypse hasn’t happened in any of those states, but now that we have joined Team Fabulous as an entire nation, we all know the floodgates are about to open up.

(I just called a bunch of my married hetero friends to ask if they were packing their bags to abandon their spouses now that the SCOTUS put us on Team Fabulous. They said no.)

So, if you have a tale of a formerly blissful, stable heterosexual marriage suddenly disappearing in a puff of dust due to the expansion of marriage equality, post your tale in the comments section on this post. And I will drink your tears.