I Enjoy This Too Much: “Do you want me to kidnap my sister-in-law?”

I can’t stop playing around with Jaime and Brienne, and I can’t stop harping on Tyrion’s first marriage. Two great tastes that taste great together! Let’s do this!

Jaime and Brienne stand behind a low wall in sunny weather. Jaime's line from the show is: "To return the Stark girls to their mother who is now dead." I have given him a speech bubble: "The Starks are done, and my family is in charge. For instance..."

Jaime and Brienne stand behind a low wall in sunny weather. Jaime’s line from the show is: “To return the Stark girls to their mother who is now dead.” I have given him a speech bubble: “Let’s face it: the Starks are done, and my family’s in charge. For instance…”

We see a body of water in the background, with hills in the distance. Jaime's line from the show is: "And Sansa Stark is now Sansa Lannister." I have added: "They took your lady's pretty daughter and married her to my brother. Actually married, I tell you!"

We see a body of water in the background, with hills in the distance. Jaime’s line from the show is: “And Sansa Stark is now Sansa Lannister.” I have added, as a continuation of last frame: “They took your lady’s pretty daughter and married her to my brother! Actually married, I tell you!”

While Brienne seems to have had plenty of time to enjoy the capital, we haven’t seen her interact with Tyrion. From her chapters in A Feast for Crows, she’s under the impression that Tyrion is the worst of the Lannisters, and that he must have been cruel to Sansa. She doesn’t realize that Tyrion is what the rest of the Lannisters aspire to be, and Jaime admires his little brother with good reason.

Lady Catelyn had said that Sansa was a gentle soul who loved lemon cakes, silken gowns, and songs of chivalry, yet the girl had seen her father’s head lopped off and been forced to marry one of his killers afterward. If half the tales were true, the dwarf was the cruelest Lannister of all. If she did poison King Joffrey, the Imp surely forced her hand. She was alone and friendless at that court. In King’s Landing, Brienne had hunted down a certain Brella, who had been one of Sansa’s maids. The woman told her that there was little warmth between Sansa and the dwarf. Perhaps she had been fleeing him as well as Joffrey’s murder. (pg. 72)

This is why you should not listen to maids named Brella.

His line from the show: "What do you want me to do? Kidnap my sister-in-law?" I have added: "I already have issues regarding my brother and his marriages. If I take this one away, he'll never forgive me."

His line from the show: “What do you want me to do? Kidnap my sister-in-law?” I have added: “I already have issues regarding my brother and his marriages. If I take this one away, he’ll never forgive me.”

Jaime, meanwhile, is under the impression that Tyrion is happy with Sansa the way he was happy with Tysha before their father took her away. He is mistaken, of course, but Tyrion is trying to make the marriage work, and it would piss him off if Jaime made off with Sansa and hid her away somewhere far away from the Red Keep.

I have pasted this from A Storm of Swords, during their discussion at dinner with Lord Bolton:

“His wife?” Brienne said, appalled. “The Imp? But … he swore, before the whole court, in sight of gods and men …”
She is such an innocent. Jaime was almost as surprised, if truth be told, but he hid it better. Sansa Stark, that ought to put a smile on Tyrion’s face. He remembered how happy his brother had been with his little crofter’s daughter … for a fortnight. (pg. 536)

Either way, I’m not sure Brienne has a firm plan in mind.

Brienne's line on the show is: "Look me in the eye and tell me you think she'll be safe in King's Landing." I have added: "Fuck that! We will snag your little brother's child bride and take her...somewhere, we'll figure it out, and we will be the coolest little pseudo-family in the known world!"

Brienne’s line on the show is: “Look me in the eye and tell me that you think she’ll be safe in King’s Landing.” I have added: “Fuck that! We will snag your little brother’s child bride, take her…somewhere, we’ll figure it out, and we will be the coolest little pseudo-family in the known world!”

Maybe somewhere in the Vale? Not so isolated as the Eyrie, but nowhere near the Crownlands and not as cold or chaotic as the North.

I just love that little “aww, fuck, I can’t really answer that” look he gives her in the next shot. “You’re a big pain in my ass just like my family! Maybe you’re a Lannister, too! How do you like being compared to the Lannisters?”

Jaime has his back to the camera, and Brienne scowls at him. His line on the show is: "You've got the hair for it, if not the looks." I have added: "How dare you fail to tell me what I want to hear! Watch me act like a 15-year-old!"

Jaime has his back to the camera, and Brienne scowls at him. His line on the show is: “You’ve got the hair for it, if not the looks.” I have added: “How dare you fail to tell me what I want to hear! Watch me act like a 15-year-old!”

“Yeah! I’m gonna call you ugly, because no one’s ever tried that before! I’ll give you no choice but to be the mature one between us.”

Jaime has already walked away, and Brienne turns her back to the railing. There is no dialogue from the show. I have added: "I wish I could quit you."

Jaime has already walked away, and Brienne turns her back to the railing. There is no dialogue from the show. I have added: “I wish I could quit you.”

There’s a place in the Seven Hells for people like me. The Crone might show me mercy, but the Mother would spank me senseless.