I Enjoy This Too Much: “That was unworthy. Forgive me.”

I keep letting sincerity get into my silliness. Well, it needs to run its course. I didn’t fall in love with this pairing for giving me all snark-fodder, all the time. I seem to appreciate genuine emotion, and I need to handle that genuine emotion accordingly. Such as, when we’re having Bath Time at Harrenhal. We’re now at Season 3, Episode 5, in which Jaime is in the most incredible need of a bath, and Brienne is already in the tub.

This one is long. I’ve taken a lot of screenshots from the episode, and I will occasionally resort to using some information that’s only in the book. I’m shameless like that.

Brienne is already in the tub (and it's a very large tub), while Jaime is just entering the room. Brienne's line is: "What are you doing here?" I have added a speech bubble with: "You know I'm naked in here, right?"

Brienne is already in the tub (and it’s a very large tub), while Jaime is just entering the room. Brienne’s line is: “What are you doing here?” I have added a speech bubble with: “You know I’m naked in here, right?”

The camera shows us Jaime standing next to a quiet young man. Jaime's line is: "I need a bath." I have added: "And I'm about to join you."

The camera shows us Jaime standing next to a quiet young man. Jaime’s line is: “I need a bath.” I have added: “And I’m about to join you.”

The Harrenhal servants heated and poured a gigantic amount of water for this occasion, and Jaime looks like he could use all of it.

The quiet young man helps Jaime pull his shirt off. Jaime's line is: "Help me out of these rags. Now get out." I have added him saying: "You can't check out my lady. Only I can do that."

The quiet young man helps Jaime pull his shirt off. Jaime’s line is: “Help me out of these rags. Now get out.” I have added him saying: “You can’t check out my lady. Only I can do that.”

In the book there are two guards, not one, and Jaime orders them both to leave the room.

Brienne flees to the corner of the tub. Her line is: "There's another tub." I have added a speech bubble: "You can use the other one!"

Brienne flees to the corner of the tub. Her line is: “There’s another tub.” I have added a speech bubble: “You can use the other one!”

Seems half of that massive amount of hot water is doomed to go unbathed-in.

Now Jaime is sitting at one end of the tub, while Brienne crouches at the other end with her knees drawn up to her chest. I have added a line for Jaime: "I prefer the one that has you in it."

Now Jaime is sitting at one end of the tub, while Brienne crouches at the other end with her knees drawn up to her chest. I have added a line for Jaime: “I prefer the one that has you in it.”

They're still seated comfortably in the tub. Jaime says: "Don't worry, I'm not interested." I have added: "All I did was change into my birthday suit and order the guards out of the room while we soak in this giant tub. Relax."

They’re still seated comfortably in the tub. Jaime says: “Don’t worry, I’m not interested.” I have added: “All I did was change into my birthday suit and order the guards out of the room while we soak in this huge tub. Relax.”

Once Jaime’s nicely situated in the tub, he starts feeling a bit faint. There’s a little argument about the possibility of him falling in, which leads to him saying that one, regrettable thing about her guarding Renly. A less self-regulated person might have punched him just then.

Brienne is standing up and looming over Jaime. Her facial expression is unamused. I have added a speech bubble: "LET'S SEE HOW FAST I CAN BREAK YOUR FACE, SISTER-FUCKER."

Brienne is standing up and looming over Jaime. Her facial expression is unamused. I have added a speech bubble: “LET’S SEE HOW FAST I CAN BREAK YOUR FACE, SISTER-FUCKER.”

Come to think of it: Why has no one on this show ever called Jaime “sister-fucker”? We’ve heard peasants in the streets of Flea Bottom yell “brother-fucker” at Cersei, and I suspect it’ll happen again before this season is over, but why is there no equivalent name-calling on Jaime? It’s not like Cersei forced him.

Brienne's body is blurred in the foreground. Jaime's eyes are downcast; his line is: "That was unworthy, forgive me." I have added two speech bubbles. The first says: "I wanted to get under your skin, and I went too far. Please don't give up on me." The second says, in smaller letters: "And now my cock is getting friendly. Seven Hells."

Brienne’s body is blurred in the foreground. Jaime’s eyes are downcast; his line is: “That was unworthy. Forgive me.” I have added two speech bubbles. The first says: “I wanted to get under your skin, and I went too far. Please don’t give up on me.” The second says, in smaller letters: “And now my cock is getting friendly. Seven Hells.”

He tells her what a good protector she’s been, she takes that for mockery, he asks to call a truce, but that would require them to trust each other.

Brienne is still upright, blurry in the foreground. Jaime looks up at her and says: "I trust you." My speech bubble says: "Will you trust me if I tell you a big secret?"

Brienne is still upright, blurry in the foreground. Jaime looks up at her and says: “I trust you.” My speech bubble says: “Will you trust me if I tell you a big secret?”

That gets Brienne to sit down again, but she’s still not feeling real friendly to him. Anyone else notice how much it bugs Jaime that so many people don’t like him? You’d think he’d be used to people calling him Kingslayer by now, but he really, really cares about what people think of him.

After seventeen years of not telling anyone about the circumstances of him becoming the Kingslayer, here it comes: here’s the story of the Wildfire Plot, and the shit that Kingsguard knights are expected to do in keeping their oaths.

Jaime's line is: "I urged him to surrender peacefully." I have added: "I didn't want to kill the king, see."

Jaime’s line is: “I urged him to surrender peacefully.” I have added: “I didn’t want to kill the king, you see.”

Remember his monologue from S2:E7: “But what if your father despises the king?”

Jaime's line: "He ordered me to bring him my father's head." I have added: "Lions love their families just as much as wolves do."

Jaime’s line: “He ordered me to bring him my father’s head.” I have added: “Lions love their families just as much as wolves do.”

I think it could be argued that Jaime and Tyrion are both better sons than Tywin ever deserved, but the point remains that King Aerys wanted Jaime to kill his father not even because Tywin needed to be killed and Jaime was the nearest one available: it had to be Jaime killing Tywin as a show of loyalty to his king. And that’s a shitty way for a monarch to treat his bodyguard. Remember what Catelyn said when she accepted Brienne’s oath of service: “…and I will ask no service of you that might bring you dishonor.” King Aerys II didn’t extend such respect to his Kingsguard knights.

Jaime’s final question of that tale is inviting Brienne to put herself in his shoes: “If your precious Renly commanded you to kill your own father and then stand aside as thousands of men, women and children burned alive, would you have done it?”

He’s asking her to picture how she would have responded to the same conditions, and once she can imagine that, then she’ll understand how it was impossible for Jaime to keep his oaths.

Brienne says: "If this is true, why didn't you tell anyone? Why didn't you tell Lord Stark?" I have added a speech bubble: "You're telling me about this, and you never even told Ned Stark?"

Brienne says: “If this is true, why didn’t you tell anyone? Why didn’t you tell Lord Stark?” I have added a speech bubble: “You’re telling me about this, and you didn’t even tell Ned Stark?”

Jaime looks disgusted. His line is: "Do you think the honorable Ned Stark wanted to hear my side?" I have added: "Don't get me started on Ned Stark! He hated me for no good reason!"

Jaime looks exhausted. His line is: “Do you think the honorable Ned Stark wanted to hear my side?” I have added: “Don’t get me started on Ned Stark! He hated my guts for no good reason!”

The next bit confused me for the longest time. I could not understand what exactly “By what right does the wolf judge the lion?” was supposed to mean.

But I’ve finally pinned it down: Jaime’s not making an assertion of difference between him and Ned Stark. It’s about similarities. A wolf is a dangerous predator just like a lion.

Jaime is getting angrier. He says: "By what right does the wolf judge the lion?" My speech bubbles are, first: "Ned Stark thought he was better than me, but he was just another killer!" Second: "Fuck that guy! I'm out of here!"

Jaime is getting angrier. He says: “By what right does the wolf judge the lion?” My speech bubbles are, first: “Ned Stark thought he was so much better than me, but he was just another killer!” Second: “Fuck that guy! I’m out of here!”

Nothing says “Boo on Ned Stark!” like standing up way too fast in the tub when you’re feverish and dizzy, and still in need of some vigorous scrubbing with soap, so next thing we know Jaime’s fainting. Good thing Brienne was already bathing in the same tub.

Brienne is holding Jaime above the water after catching him mid-faint. He says: "Jaime. My name is Jaime." I have added: "I like trusting you. I don't like hearing 'Kingslayer'."

Brienne is holding Jaime above the water after catching him mid-faint. He says: “Jaime. My name is Jaime.” I have added: “I like trusting you. I don’t like hearing ‘Kingslayer’.”

I’d like to end this on a fun note, so now we’re jumping forward to Episode 6.

They're dressed and seated on one side of a table set for dinner. Jaime fills a wine glass and says to Brienne: "My lady, may our journey continue without further incident." I have added a speech bubble: "Now it's time to start having fun!"

They’re dressed and seated on one side of a table set for dinner. Jaime fills a wine glass and says to Brienne: “My lady, may our journey continue without further incident.” I have added a speech bubble: “Now we can finally start having fun!”

Yeah! Now that Jaime’s stump is sewn up, he’s bonded with Brienne, and he knows he’ll be safer with her than without her, they can finally enjoy the road together! This is not what Lady Catelyn had in mind, but Lady Catelyn doesn’t get to stop her sworn sword from making new friends!

…and there’s Lord Bolton, ruining everything. I hope Brienne stays long enough to kick Bolton’s ass nice and hard when she storms the gates of Winterfell.

If you haven’t read the books, I would like to draw your attention to my book/show comparison on this scene, if you haven’t seen it already. It’s more fun than most of my book/show comparisons.