Won’t someone please think of the masturbating fetuses!

Dude, what?

“Watch a sonogram of a 15-week baby, and they have movements that are purposeful,” said Burgess, a former OB/GYN. “They stroke their face. If they’re a male baby, they may have their hand between their legs. If they feel pleasure, why is it so hard to believe that they could feel pain?”

So, a male fetus can masturbate at 15 weeks, but not a female one?

Have you seen a newborn make these “purposeful” movements? Babies can’t even coordinate reaching and grasping until around 11 months after birth. Do 15-week fetuses somehow have better motor control than already-born infants?

Something tells me this former OB/GYN is taking orders from the voices in his head. Are we expected to debate the supposed ability of male fetuses—ONLY male fetuses—to jack off, with a guy who doesn’t know how to use pronouns? I’ve lost enough brain cells to listening to womb-controlling pseudoscience already.

Finally: what does the supposed existence of fetal pain have to do with the right to life? We don’t outlaw homicide because the victim feels pain; we outlaw homicide because killing other people is bad. Killing a person who’s sound asleep with a lethal injection is still a felony. If an embryo’s right to be gestated to live birth overrides a woman’s right to own her body (and I have yet to hear an argument for this aside from “OMG you had sex!!!”), then it shouldn’t matter whether it can feel pain and pleasure. A life is a life is a life, regardless of how its nerves function, and an already-born person who can definitely feel pain isn’t entitled to use another person’s blood.