Breaking news: Men can also refuse to consent.

I am very sorry to hear about this case of sexual assault in Toronto:

Over the weekend a young man came forward to the police to file a report of a sexual assault that occurred early on March 31. The 19 year old told police that he had been out and upon leaving a club in Toronto’s Entertainment District he was offered a ride from four women. Instead of dropping him off, the four women took him to a parking lot and each sexually assaulted him. The police are looking for four white women between 30 and 36 around 5’4″ and between 190 and 200lbs who were out in a Honda SUV on the night of March 30.

And I am utterly unsurprised to see that social media is chock-full of people behaving like utter shitbags to this poor kid.

It’s not often that we hear about a case of a guy being raped by a woman (or several women), and with attitudes like these, is it any wonder that male rape victims are generally not interested in reporting their assaults? A male victim of female assailants can expect to be told that there’s no such thing as female-on-male rape (because men are always open to sex, donchaknow), that he’s probably gay and therefore should be ashamed (because it would be okay for those women to force themselves on a straight guy?), that the important thing is not that he didn’t consent but that the women were fat (because it would be impossible for him not to consent if the women were skinny?), that he’s reporting the rape to cover up that he cheated on his partner (because women can never be aggressors and men can never be victims), and that he should be embarrassed about this happening to him and should not bother anyone with his complaints.

In case you’re confused about the mechanics of female-on-male rape: it is possible for a guy to get an erection and ejaculate in response to non-consensual stimulation. It happens all the time. That he got it up doesn’t mean he wanted it.

5 thoughts on “Breaking news: Men can also refuse to consent.

  1. Alyson,

    Thank you for writing about this topic and doing so with compassion for the survivor. Like him, I was raped by a woman. I know all about the ridiculous gender policing that keeps male survivors silent and ashamed. I spoke out publicly and paid a huge price for it. I’m still going through hell on that front. You spoke mountains of truth above. I’ve head them all: erections = rape, men can’t be raped, women don’t rape, no “real” man would complain, etc.

    There are a lot of evil, disgusting people in this world. In some ways, I hate the victim-blamers worse than the woman who raped me. At least she only got to hurt me for about 18 hours before growing tired of me. The victim-blamers keep coming back for more. Ugh.

      • It was off and on over the night while I was unconscious and the next morning after the drugs wore off and she threatened me. Then I was expected to snuggle and act like her boyfriend until she dismissed me late in the evening. It really screwed my head up and she knew what she was doing.

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