Since I’ve recently rejoined the wild, wacky world of online dating, this thing here is like the best thing ever. We have commentary from Laurie Penny at the New Statesmen, Katie Baker and Hugo Schwyzer at Jezebel. The attitude which the Tumblr seeks to highlight and critique is summed up, thus, in the blog description:
hello i’m nice i’m such a nice guy i do not understand why girls don’t like me it must be because i’m too nice yes that is definitely it there couldn’t possibly be another reason oh man maybe i should just become an asshole to stop myself being friendzoned i’m so nice i’m sick of all these fucking bitches choosing assholes over me they’re so shallow the stupid whores
Many of the profiles she posts are about that coherent, too.
If you notice that it’s rather contradictory to complain about the nerve of women to choose men other than you, while calling yourself a “nice guy,” then you’ve hit on the central thesis of the blog.
While I don’t claim to read the blogger’s mind, I’m fairly sure the intent is not to say that all the self-oblivious losers go to OKC. I think the reason it’s called Nice Guys of OKCupid rather than Nice Guys of Online Dating is that OKC a) allows us to search random profiles, and b) provides such handy information to illustrate the disconnect between a guy who is a genuinely nice person and the capitalized Nice Guy.
Contrary to some assumptions, when you see feminists railing against Nice Guy Syndrome and the many inanities of self-proclaimed Nice Guys, we are not shaming men for acting like nice people. The point is that guys with this attitude are actually not nice people. If you think a non-sexual friendship with a woman is a waste of time, and that women owe you sex because you act like a friend to them, you are not a guy who is nice. The whole idea of the “friend zone” is insulting and abusive to women.
If you are a truly nice person, you won’t have to label yourself as such. Your niceness will show up in your profile. It will be apparent in the way you answer questions such as “Do you feel there are any circumstances in which a person is obligated to have sex with you?” Nice people are the ones who treat their fellow human beings with kindness because it’s the right thing to do.