I am pissed off about Metro, and for once, it isn’t because of the Dread Line

Since my dad dropped me off at Greenbelt Station extra-early today, I thought it would be nice to transfer at L’Enfant Plaza instead of using the Dread Line shortcut.

Procedural notes for those who don’t know what the heck I’m on about: in the Washington Metro system, there are two ways to transfer from the Green/Yellow Line to the Blue/Orange Line. The direct route is to transfer at L’Enfant Plaza, but if you’re going to Metro Center or points further west, you can get there more efficiently by taking the Red Line from Gallery Place to Metro Center. It saves you four stops, but adds another transfer, so it’s slower in non-peak hours but quicker at rush hour. However, since everyone on Earth knows it is quicker at rush hour, the line gets packed like a sardine can, which is why I call it the Dread Line.

That make sense? So, normally I take the Dread Line shortcut because that’s what it takes to get me to work on time, but today, since I had a head start, I figured the direct transfer at L’Enfant would be more relaxing.

Yeah, well. When I went downstairs to the Orange/Blue platform, there was already a gigantic crowd waiting on the westbound side, so I will assume there was a delay between westbound trains. So then a Blue train arrived just as I was clawing my way down the platform, and we all jammed ourselves into the cars like the cattle we have no choice but to be. Then we had to wait several more minutes (during which I’m sure hundreds more people arrived to join us) while the operator kept opening and closing the doors. It was not a technical issue. I know it wasn’t a train malfunction, because the operator kept turning on the PA to tell us all to please stop obstructing the doors. So we kept waiting for the doors to close, and stay closed, so that we could finally get the fuck out of L’Enfant Plaza and move on. Sure, we waited, until the operator announced that the train was out of service, and they OFFLOADED THE TRAIN.

That means, that huge crowd which had just piled onto the train, PLUS the folks who’d gotten on at points further east, had to get off the train and stand on the platform again, along with everyone else who had come downstairs from the Green Line while we were waiting for the doors to stay closed. It didn’t end with that, either. They had to send station employees onto the train to chase out the people who thought the offloading didn’t apply to THEM. The next train came about a minute later, and filled up so fast and so hard that I couldn’t board it. I managed to get a spot on the one after that, and got to work only a couple minutes earlier than usual.

Why did they have to force a population equivalent to southern Delaware off the Blue Line this morning? Because somewhere along the train, someone was messing around with the doors. Or maybe it was several someones, but here’s the thing: all it takes is ONE asshole to make hundreds of people late for work.

So, to the dumbass who jammed up the Blue Line this morning: if you see a 30ish bespectacled redhead in gray slacks and a pale blue shirt today, you’d best keep yourself on the opposite side of the street. I may look soft and non-threatening, but my attention is the very last thing you want.