It’s not supposed to smell like rose petals!

Pharyngula points me to Feministing, which points me to The Luxury Spot’s reporting of the newest hot trend in feminine adornment: Vajazzling!

For fuck’s sake, it doesn’t even look that pretty.

I can’t say I disapprove of the trend so much as I’m not sure what purpose it’s supposed to serve. If you’re a stripper, I’m sure it could be useful! If you’re just doing it for yourself, as in, you just want to be able to pull down your pants, look in the mirror, and say, “Ooh, sparkly!” then this will get the job done, and if that’s all you’re hoping to get out of it, then go for it, I say.

(Of course, if it were my mound getting bejeweled, I’d get some more colorful gems; as the blogger’s photo shows, colorless rhinestones don’t show up very well on pale skin.)

If it’s just about amusing yourself when you’re not getting laid any time soon, then sure, I can picture that it would be fun. But if it’s supposed to make a woman feel sexier?

Something tells me the meter is running on Vajazzling if it’s supposed to excite a partner.

It won’t be long now before condoms start tearing on the sparklies, and then it’ll be women’s sex partners showing up in the ER with rhinestones stuck in their eyes, ears, noses, urethrae, not to mention the women themselves getting the crystals up their own vaginas, where, the name notwithstanding, the crystals are not supposed to be!

Furthermore, this sounds like an awful lot of trouble and expense for something that isn’t even supposed to last very long. You have to go to the spa for a professional wax job and sparkle-treatment, and it only lasts 5 days? If this is supposed to make sex more exciting, it’s going to be counterproductive. Enjoying sex means not giving a shit about how you look while you’re doing it, because if sex is any good, you will look ridiculous. If you’re worried about dislodging your pubic sparklies, you probably won’t get very much out of sex. This makes women less fuckable, not more.

As long as I’m here, there’s something else I want to get off my chest about grooming and private area maintenance.

I think that the popularity of pubic hair trimming/shaving/waxing/what-have-you has gone too far.

Not that there’s anything wrong with removing your own body hair, if that’s what makes you feel good. This is the problem, though: it’s not about grooming your own body on your own terms anymore. It’s gotten to the point where pubic trimming is What Everyone Is Supposed to Do as a prerequisite for partnered sex. It’s become so ubiquitous that a lot of people not only express a preference for a groomed pubic area on a partner, but in fact think they’re entitled to have their partner shave or trim, and think that a partner who lets his/her pubic hair grow naturally is doing something wrong.

I get that trimming makes the area less smelly and more navegable for the partner during sex, and within those terms, I can respect that some people express a preference, but the problem is it doesn’t magically grow back to its natural length and texture when the sex act is finished. It may make the genitals more visible and less fragrant during sex, but for some of us, it also itches. I am not going to wear a cactus between my legs for all of my waking hours just for the benefit of the little time I spend with someone getting into my pants. You think you can tell me to do something to myself that makes me uncomfortable all day, every day because you like the way it looks or smells? Fuck. That. Noise.

As one speaker says in The Vagina Monologues: “It’s not supposed to smell like rose petals. It’s supposed to smell like pussy!” Human beings managed, somehow, to enjoy sex for thousands of years before we started feeling ashamed of our private parts being hairy, slimy, smelly and ridiculous-looking. We don’t enjoy our genitals because they look good, we enjoy them because we can have fun with them. If you like sex, you can learn to work with pubic hair at its natural length. The female genital area is a perfectly wonderful thing as is. It’s not supposed to smell like rose petals, it’s not supposed to be smooth and hairless, and it sure as shit ain’t supposed to sparkle.

5 thoughts on “It’s not supposed to smell like rose petals!

  1. What a great post. I agree whole heartedly. It’s as if the Madison Ave of porn decided thats the way genitals should look and now people just take that as a given.

    I have a post up now about my preference for hairy pussys.

  2. Wonderful!! Excellent article and very well-written – I always say tit for tat. You want me to shave? Then buddy-boy, here’s a razor for you too.

  3. This was hilarious and quite insightful. It’s good to know there are other women out there despite this blanket of feigned ignorance pertaining to the natural human body and the crazy stuff it does of its own accord. Though I’d like to point out, not all civilizations have enjoyed sex without the inhibitions… the Egyptians have been proven to be hairphobic and took extreme care of their body hair- lower bits included. Regardless of that, this was a good random Google find. Thanks.

  4. great article.

    I have to agree on virtually all points. The vajazzaling thing disturbs me, as a straight male. I mean, if some woman chooses it for herself, that’s her right, but I sure as hell hope she doesn’t think that I’m going to be into it.

    I feel like I speak for most straight men when I say that tiny sparkles glued onto body parts is not something that gets me going. In fact, it would largely reduce the area of her body that one could actively access during oral sex! Boo!

    As for shaving/waxing/etc… I think its fine that women are doing it, but find it unfortunate the attitude that often accompanies it. “pubic hair is dirty!” People think that shaving off their pubic hair is as important as brushing their teeth. The truth is that it is nothing more than a fashion statement. I find some people take the opposite approach “only pedophiles like shaved pubic hair, because it makes women look like little girls!” Umm, I guess women who like men with shaved facial hair or even haircuts, are also pedophiles then?

    Hair is just fashion, and I think our culture is in desperate need of figuring that out. Sure, oral sex is a little nicer on a girl without hair on her labia, but its also sexy to reach down your girl’s pants and feel her hair as well.. ultimately, I just want a girl that I am with to do what suits HER. Just as I wouldn’t want her to tell me how to keep my facial hair!

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