#1262: “My housemate keeps exposing herself to me/the world/everyone.”

As someone who experienced body changes (read: weight gain) and didn’t process them with perfect honesty (read: trousers going pop), I can offer some wardrobe advice that doesn’t cost much money: multi-wear skirts. It can be a skirt, a dress, a cute top, a cape…it’ll cover her buttcrack without being expensive. It can be pretty and versatile. Barring that, she can get a simple house-robe at any big box store (I got a very comfy black one at Target) and wear it around the house. A kimono can easily become daytime wear with leggings and a t-shirt.

When I was getting fat from the stress of working a dysfunctional office job and didn’t want to acknowledge my body’s needs, my wardrobe was some combination of: leggings, basic tank top or t-shirt, multi-wear skirt. I made it look cute, it kept all the crucial areas covered, and it wasn’t expensive.

Captain Awkward

Dear Captain Awkward,

My 50+ y/o housemate has a problem, and I don’t know how to help. Sounds stupid but her pants are always falling down. At any given moment inch(es) of her rear crack are exposed. It started years ago, most often when she would bend over, but it has progressively gotten worse–any time she stands up or walks about. I’m not sure of the cause. She does wear a belt. I can only guess that her pants–jeans 90% of the time–and skivvies are the wrong size or cut. She is pretty flat back there. Yet that’s only part of the problem.

The real problem is that she is hypersensitive about it, and any attempt to bring it to her attention, either subtly or more directly, elicits only an angry response as if it’s a disability that she can’t do anything about. She’ll bark “I know!” when either she…

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BLOOD AND TEETH ON THE FLOOR

Since Liz Warren suspended her campaign for President, some of us may seem a little bereaved. We may be sort of coming across like our best friend just died.

In truth, it’s more like a betrayal than a loss. I can’t seem to unclench my jaw for any sustained period of time. The more I learn about this election cycle, the more people I can’t trust. Dirtbags to the left of me, fascists to the right, and no safety in the middle.

Now that she’s out of the race, I see a lot of people calling on her to endorse Bernie Sanders. Not because she owes HIM anything, of course, they plead, but for the good of the “progressive movement,” they want her support for him.

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“Anyone who can beat Trump”…WITHIN reason.

I said before that I’ll vote for the Democratic nominee for POTUS, whoever that may be, except why the fuck is Tulsi Gabbard still on that stage?

And…I’d like to add another asterisk to that.

The more I hear about Mike Bloomberg, the more I think: surely we can coalesce around nominating SOMEONE better than THAT.

I mean…I’m fairly sure Bloomberg is not beholden to any of our foreign adversaries. That much makes him better than Trump. But do we have to set the bar that low? Really?

Pete Buttigieg also has a history of racist fuckery, and that’s a problem. I think Pete has a lot more space, though, IF he’s willing to do the work, to show that he’s learned better and will do better going forward.

I don’t like Amy Klobuchar (as someone who’s fled TWO abusive managers and is now paying the financial price…don’t get me started), but I’m sure “normal” under her would be much healthier than “normal” under Bloomberg.

Joe Biden…needs to retire already, but I trust him to do much, much better than Bloomberg.

Bernie Sanders is all Big Ideas and no implementation, but I’d happily take that over a proven track record of brutalizing black and brown citizens.

Elizabeth Warren is my first choice. I think she has the best balance of policy, implementation, and disposition. I think “normal” under her would be the healthiest our country has been…oh, probably EVER. At the same time? I love my country too much to start chanting “Liz or Lose.”

Just, at some point we need to remember WHY we need a candidate who’ll beat Trûmp. If our choices are four more years of the Dampnut, and Bloomie in the high seat…our country is fucked. Norway calls!

I would like to see more conservatives supporting the rule of law.

One of the Lost Administration’s little jokes these days is acting like it would be totally fine for Trûmp to refuse to leave the White House if he loses re-election in 2020. I see Bitch McCandlehead suggesting they could get the Dampnut a third term of squatting in the White House? Nice try, asshole, the GOP in the late 40s got a Constitutional amendment passed precisely because FDR won four elections in a row and they didn’t want that to happen again. Either way, the basic idea is those Kremlin Klan choads acting like they’re gonna keep the Dampnut where he is regardless of election results. (Note: canceling the election altogether is the same thing as disregarding election results.)

I would like to see more American conservatives vocally opposing their attempt to do this. Folks who generally vote for Republicans. Folks who voted for Trûmp in 2016. Folks who generally prefer Republican policies. These are the people I’m asking. If you’re STILL planning to vote for Trûmp in 2020, then I assume you are opposed to the rule of law and I won’t trust you to act in defense of American democracy. Those of you who support the rule of law, I would like you all to start saying you will oppose any attempt by the Trûmp administration to take another term by force.

Especially the gun-lovers. If your argument is that private ownership of firearms is necessary to protect the people from government tyranny, then…for Heaven’s sake, use your gun ownership to oppose government tyranny.

Telling me, “Well he’s not REALLY going to do that,” is an unhelpful answer. I am unsure of how successful the Lost Administration’s attempt would be to disregard the election, but if they even make the attempt, that’s a problem. I would like to see conservatives stating their opposition to the attempt. Less of “he won’t really do that” and more of “I’ll fucking kick your ass if you try it, Mr. Trûmp!”

Telling me there’s no chance Trûmp won’t win re-election is even more unhelpful. If he’s even suggesting that his supporters could demand he take another term regardless of election results, then clearly he thinks there’s a good chance the election won’t be in his favor. Less of “the Dems don’t have anyone who can beat him” and more of “we can do this the easy way or the hard way, Mr. Trûmp!”

And finally, telling me no one’s actually threatening to disregard the 2020 election is unhelpful. If you personally haven’t seen any such news, okay, and? I need to know that you’ll be opposed if they try it. Less of “no one’s actually saying that” and more of “the law is the law, so don’t fucking try it, Mr. Trûmp!”

Some of progressives are kind of getting the impression that conservatives do not care about American democracy or the rule of law. This is a way to show us that isn’t true.

Casual observations on the primary process.

Let me get this straight:

So far, we’ve been through two states, Iowa and New Hampshire.

It’s been revealed that the process in Iowa was full of technical embarrassments and thus its results are suspect at best.

But anyway, Iowa and New Hampshire, together, represent a total of 1.36% of the US population according to 2018 counts. Iowa is 90.28% white and New Hampshire is 93% white, according to World Population Review, while the USA at large is 60.4% white according to the same sources. So…those two states are far from an accurate cross-section of the country. I’m not saying white folks’ votes for the Dem nominee shouldn’t count! I mean, the preferences of white folks who live in more diverse areas should also be heard!

Yeah, so, based on the results of the first two states in the primaries, Elizabeth Warren ranks approximately 3rd place in a field with much more than 3 candidates.

And…some people are demanding that she drop out of the race and support the front-runner.

Are they calling on Joe Biden to drop out and support a stronger candidate? I don’t see that. Calling on Mike Bloomberg to drop out and throw his campaign money behind Mayor Pete or Amy Klobuchar? Not seeing that.

It’s not just Bernie supporters clamoring for Sen. Warren to surrender already, although I would note that Sen. Sanders is the candidate who kept on pushing for the Dem nomination in 2016 even while Hillary Clinton was winning state after state, and his supporters backed him all the way.

Some of them are still acting like Bernie was the rightful winner of the Dem nomination in 2016 and now acting like the result of any primary is the Bernie wins by a landslide or the result is invalid. This is the difference between Bernie supporters and Bern-outs. Bernie supporters put Bernie as their first choice in a field of several valid candidates. Bern-outs act like Bernie is the only valid candidate. I sympathize with Bernie supporters. Bern-outs are not helping Bernie’s case.

The story is…Sen. Sanders should keep on fighting to the bitter end even when he’s way behind and well past the point of catching up, whereas Sen. Warren should drop out after not winning Iowa and New Hampshire. Interesting.

And it’s not just Bernie supporters acting like Warren should concede already, but it’s just Warren under this much pressure to concede already. Joe Biden is well behind Sen. Warren thus far and Biden could be a powerful support to another candidate, but they’re not calling for him to drop out already. Weird.

It could be sexism. Would they be treating Sen. Warren the same way if it were Sen. Edward Warren? Probably not. I don’t think it’s just sexism, though. Sexism is a factor, but I think a bigger factor is that Sen. Warren is the most viable challenge and they fucking know it. They wouldn’t be so eager to get her out of the way if they didn’t think she could win.

 

Choosing my battles for the Dem nomination.

Elizabeth Warren is my first choice for the Democratic nomination for President.

If Bernie Sanders gets the nomination, of course I will vote for him in the general. For all my criticisms of him, a Sanders presidency would be much better for our nation’s collective sense of normal than another four years of Trûmp.

If Joe Biden gets the nomination, of course I will vote for him in the general. For all my criticisms of him, a Biden presidency would be much better for our nation’s collective sense of normal than another four years of Trûmp.

If Pete Buttigieg gets the nomination, of course I will vote for him in the general. For all my criticisms of him, a Buttigieg presidency would be much better for our nation’s collective sense of normal than another four years of Trûmp.

If Tulsi Gabbard gets the nomination, then I will pull my life up by the roots and emigrate to Norway. Why the fuck is she even still on the stage?

A never-ending trial with Tweets and mean names.

Yeah okay, so, the Senate voted to let Trûmp keep on squatting in the White House. Which is hardly a surprise. I’m just annoyed they didn’t spend longer on the trial. So, for the case of the GOP Senators who almost without exception (Mitt Romney being the exception!) toed the Trûmp Party line, I have a new theory which is probably wrong but it’s no sillier than the shit that’s actually happening on this timeline, so hear me out: Trûmp is literally ordering hits on elected officials.

Sen. Sherrod Brown (D-Oh) writes in NYT that his colleagues turned the impeachment into a non-trial because they’re all skeered of getting in trouble:

Late in the evening on day four of the trial I saw it, just 10 feet across the aisle from my seat at Desk 88, when Mr. Schiff told the Senate: “CBS News reported last night that a Trump confidant said that Republican senators were warned, ‘Vote against the president and your head will be on a pike.’” The response from Republicans was immediate and furious. Several groaned and protested and muttered, “Not true.” But pike or no pike, Mr. Schiff had clearly struck a nerve. (In the words of Lizzo: truth hurts.)

Look, there’s a lot of hearsay in this. A lot of he said they said somebody else said someone’s threatening people. There are several degrees of separation between Sen. Brown and any statement that could be proven true or false. However? As he is in fact a Senator, there’s also a lot more proximity to the problem than most of us will ever have.

So, from his place at Desk 88 in the Senate chamber, the GOP peeps’ motivation looks especially pathetic. Sen. Brown continues:

They are afraid that Mr. Trump might give them a nickname like “Low Energy Jeb” and “Lyin’ Ted,” or that he might tweet about their disloyalty. Or — worst of all — that he might come to their state to campaign against them in the Republican primary. They worry:

“Will the hosts on Fox attack me?”

“Will the mouthpieces on talk radio go after me?”

“Will the Twitter trolls turn their followers against me?”

And again I ask: are there actual, identifiable Senators saying this shit? Are these clowns seriously afraid of the Dampnut’s Twitter account? Or is this just Sen. Brown’s speculation? Getting a little more specific:

In private, many of my colleagues agree that the president is reckless and unfit. They admit his lies. And they acknowledge what he did was wrong. They know this president has done things Richard Nixon never did. And they know that more damning evidence is likely to come out.

So watching the mental contortions they perform to justify their votes is painful to behold: They claim that calling witnesses would have meant a never-ending trial. They tell us they’ve made up their minds, so why would we need new evidence? They say to convict this president now would lead to the impeachment of every future president — as if every president will try to sell our national security to the highest bidder.

 

  1. Calling witnesses would mean a never-ending trial: well, yes, it would have taken at least a few weeks to hear out the people on the list. Are they afraid witnesses would have led to more witnesses, and then another tier of witnesses from them? Maybe. Yeah, and, as Senators, it’s their job to deal with that. I expect the real anxiety is how some of their constituents would’ve acted out during that never-ending trial with Trûmp calling them mean names on Twitter.
  2. They’ve made up their minds, so why would they need new evidence? So again, my question to them would be, why have you made up your minds already? Oh, right, we all know the Refuglican Party has collectively abandoned the pretense of actually giving a fuck about America, but then I’d like to know why they would say, in as many words, to a Democratic colleague, that they’ve made up their minds already. If this is what they’ll say out loud to someone on the other side, what are they covering up?
  3. To convict this “president” now would lead to the impeachment of every future president: now this is just sad. Those numb-nuts don’t even believe this shit. They may believe everyone else is just as corrupt and amoral as they are, but they do not actually think this trial would set a precedent that would set up every future POTUS for impeachment. They just say this because they’re covering up something much worse.

So, going back to the “he said/they said” from Rep. Schiff, my silly theory is that the “head on a pike” warning is a threat of actual death. Trûmp and his minions are making serious threats of lethal violence on elected officials who step out of line. They’ve done it often enough and credibly enough that the GOP Senators are seriously unwilling to challenge the Trûmp occupation and unwilling to explain why.

Either way, I know the GOP is the true Red Menace and the rightwing element in America has collectively lost its goddamn mind.

We progressives can’t make them see reason…but we can outvote them this November.

Moscow Mitch and…Moscow Mike?

Theory which will probably never be conclusively proven or disproven: the reason why nearly all the GOP Senators voted to block witnesses at the impeachment trial is they expect witnesses to provide incriminating information about Bitch McCandlehead and Mike Pence.

I’m just like, if they’re determined to acquit Lord Dampnut regardless of witness testimony, why not allow the witnesses to testify, and then vote to acquit?

A few of them are up for re-election in 2020, and if the rest of them don’t want to risk losing their Senate majority, then they could…vote to remove Lord Dampnut from office, perhaps? Do all those Senators really care about Cheeto Hitler that much? Nah, I don’t think they do. They want a Repub in the White House, sure, but what’s wrong with having President Mike Pence instead?

I mean, Bitch McCandlehead’s been acting like he couldn’t possibly lose re-election no matter what. And he may think so, but his openly announcing on network TV that he’ll totes give the defense everything they want…that kinda makes me wonder whom he’s trying to impress? If he only needed to impress Lord Dampnut, he could’ve said that shit behind closed doors. I suspect he said that shit out loud to prove his loyalty to the Kremlin. And if any witnesses at the impeachment trial spill hot tea about him, his Moscow overlords won’t be happy.

Right, okay, so then why are all the other Senators giving that turtle-face muthafucka what he wants? Do they really care about him so much? Seriously, I don’t think they do. He may be able to blackmail some of them, but that many? Nah, I think they’re afraid of something else. If they can’t allow witnesses because then the voters will demand they vote to remove the Dampnut, then why not remove Dampnut and let Mike Pence step up?

Do they think the Dampnut can win re-election but Pence can’t? I don’t think that’s it, either.

Are they afraid witnesses will get the turtle-face in trouble? Let’s be real, there are plenty more GOP Senators who’d be happy for a chance at Senate Majority Leader.

But here’s something that would really scare the shit out of the Senate GOP: Witnesses not only spill all the tea about Cheeto Hitler, and about the turtle-face muthafucka, BUT ALSO they know enough to know allowing witnesses would get Mike Pence in trouble. And they don’t want Pence in trouble because then they’d get Acting President Pelosi. Which is something that REALLY keeps those chucklefucks up at night.

That, or they seem to think a Pence presidency would be worse than the current situation with Cheeto Hitler. I don’t think it’s his domestic policy that would bother them. Either way, it suggests Pence has been involved in shit we don’t know about.

I have become a worse person because of this administration.

The Lost Administration has fucked up my sense of normal so hard that at this point, I can’t tell where on the Venn diagram the “bad for Trûmp” area doesn’t intersect with the “good for America” one. Some hostile nation could firebomb the shit out of everything within a 2-block radius of 1600 Pennsylvania Ave, and as long as Trûmp was among the body count, I expect the attack wouldn’t bother me.

 

Don’t give Moscow Mitch what he wants.

A few days ago, WaPo ran an op-ed by Prof. Lawrence H. Tribe, in which he advises the Dem reps to do pretty much exactly what Pelosi is doing now:

Consider the case of a prosecutor armed with a grand jury indictment who learns that the fix is in and that the jury poised to consider the case is about to violate its oath to do impartial justice. In that situation, the prosecutor is under no affirmative legal obligation to go forward until the problem is cured and a fair trial possible. So, too, the House, whose historical role is to prosecute articles of impeachment in the Senate after exercising its “sole” power to impeach, is under no affirmative constitutional obligation to do so instantly. That is especially true when the majority leader has made clear that he is, for all practical purposes, a member of the defense team.

I think the Dems should drag this out for as long as possible. It is vanishingly unlikely that the Senate will vote to evict Cheeto Hitler from his squat in the White House, but if the House prosecutors can keep the impeachment trial going for most of the next year, that’s the next best thing.

Whereas, Moscow Mitch aka Bitch McCandlehead clearly wants to keep this as quick and quiet as possible because he has completely abandoned the pretense of being an ethical lawmaker who doesn’t wipe his ass with the Constitution. Moscow Mitch should not get what he wants.